do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
