everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
