when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
