I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
