Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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