I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
