I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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