Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
