His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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