she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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