i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
