i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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