We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
