nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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