I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
