I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
