Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
