Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
