my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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