I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
