That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
