So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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