do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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