Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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