Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
