I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
