yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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