Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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