I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
