it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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