he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
