If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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