It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
