I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He has the fingertips of a God
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
