Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): View more from Colorado

Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

There is no way he is gay with that hair.

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(516): View more from New York

good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude

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(330): View more from Ohio

So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house

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(206): View more from Washington

The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.

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