do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
