it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
