last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
