saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
