i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
