dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
