There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
