I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
