Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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