apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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