I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize