RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
