Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize