I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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