So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
