why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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