Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
