i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
