google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize