we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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