Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
