so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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