Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
