At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
