Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
