O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
