im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
