Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
