I've blown a few things in my day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
