im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
