my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm too high and old for this...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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