it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
