I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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