I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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