i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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