I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
