We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
